The Procedure

So I had a gastroscopy. (Also called a esophagogastroduodenoscopy, but who had the time to say all that?) It's the test where a camera goes down one's throat. I had it without a sedative. I thought it would be all right. It was horrid.

You get about four squirts of Very Nasty Stuff which you are told to swallow, which is VERY VERY nasty. It numbs the throat. Then the doctor puts a mouth guard on you and you feel like some sort of Frankenstein. Then one nurse holds your arms and one holds your head and everyone keeps saying "Good girl," or "Very goooood," like you're a five year old getting a needle. Instead a hard tube comes down your throat. This is not a pleasant experience for the body, which rejects the tube, gagging, while everyone around you says, "GOOD. VERY GOOD." The doctor, who's had four of these himself (many also without a sedative), has told you over and over that this whole thing is a piece of cake.

Allow me to tell you, it ain't no cake.

And then they blow up your stomach like a balloon and are told to not belch, to hold it in, which is not easy but I tried. When you do belch, which is inevitable, it is by far the LOUDEST belch you've ever made. It sounded like a belching whale.

The whole procedure goes on forEVER, which in doctor time is about 3 minutes.

I lived to tell the tale, but the worst was my not-eating headache and subsequent nausea. That was when I was sort of wishing I were dead. I could have done without that.

All in all, maaaany people have had gatroscopies and lived to tell the tale. I only hope this is my last. It may be, too, as I've been given a clean bill of health. Yippie!

Comments

[dodo]

i gagged just reading that. you were very brave and should have new shoes this instant.

[Shiz]

Of COURSE I should!

[Henri]

Is it possible to buy that burping juice somewhere?

;-)

Did you get to keep pictures of your stomach? What a great conversation starter. Or ender. Whichever's needed, I suppose.

[Shiz]

Never saw the pics; can't turn your head in the procedure.

And just have someone pump air in your tummy and you'll be ready to belch like a friggin Blue whale.